Fourteen and a half months. That's how long it's been since I put down my smokes. I quit almost out of the blue, AND I quit with a 51% desire to do so,on the one hand, and a 49% desire to keep on smoking, on the other hand. It seems as if that 51 for--49 against-- center of gravity (after all, 2% is a slim margin) has shadowed me ever since I took the challenge. Yet, it is 14.5 months later, no smokes, and I do have days when I feel down right happy about quitting.
To calm my inner addict beast, I toss it a crumpet of hope by agreeing to pick up smoking sometime way, way, way down the road if I really, really, really, really, really can't stand being a non smoker. Rationality has no room in my addict mind.
I had my last smoke on Oct 2, 2013, and I said then what I still believe today; I can't quit by being a hero-- being anti smoking, feeling sorry for folks who still smoke, exclaiming "free at last" won't work for me, for I grew too old and set in my ways to quit with ease and grace.
Still, I've discovered that even in the face of 51/49, in the face of being a big baby, I can succeed in finding my way through one day, one month, one year...and counting... of staying away from the ciggies--
My inner addict might even be growing less angry and pissed at the world!!!
Photo taken Jan 2013 during one of many cigarette free walks--
--yammering inside my head like a crazed addict all the while.
When am I going to feel better!!!! That's how I cried, like a helpless addict baby!
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